Emily

2005-01-19T22:47:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to let those of you who keep up with this site that I am going to start using a Xanga site, because I can post pictures etc, so from now on read about me @:

www.xanga.com/emilyrose_1

Thanks!! *emily*

2005-01-12T14:58:00.000-06:00

So I just realized I haven't posted about the ski trip!! The week after Christmas I went to West Virginia with a group from my chuch/college group. About 12 of us went. It was SO much fun! I actually got to be a leader in the group, which was a nice change. Usually there are some people who just fall into that position and make decisions for everyone and host everything...and for that week it was me!! I had a wonderful time hanging out w/ my girls. And I even skiied blue slopes (easiest are green, middle are blue, and hard are black)!! For our last run, we skiied from the very top of the mountain all the way to the bottom!! We also spent a couple of days in Gatlinburg, TN. A ton of driving, but it ended up being so much fun. Hopefully we'll be going again next year!

Classes have also started. I'm taking 17 hours this semester...on MWF I go from 9-2 with no breaks. I also have class on Tues and Thurs now, but just one! I'm taking Physics, Abstract Algebra, Complex Analysis (in which we do calculus with imaginary numbers), Geography, and Intro to Human Behavior. So much Harding stuff didn't take that I'm still taking Gen Eds in my 3rd year of college!! But the classes look like they're going to be ok.

Other than that, I've been spending alot of time with a new group of friends. I'm still seeing the old ones, mind you, and mixing and matching quite a bit. But it's fun to get to know new people. I met Calvin and Jordan through my friend Mary who lives in OKC. And then there's Chad, who I met in class last semester, and his girlfriend, whom I introduced him to. And Davey, Chad's friend. And then of course Bridget and Mandy! But we've all been spending alot of time together. They're a great group of people. I had a ton of cutting out to do for mission trip stuff, and I took it over one evening while we were watching a movie and everyone helped cut out tiny animals!! I couldn't believe they were so sweet about it.

That's about all of the news in my life...that I care to report on ;) Hope everyone's surviving classes! *emily*

2005-01-05T23:04:00.000-06:00

I am a wonderful single woman again! Just wanted to let everyone know ;)

2005-01-05T13:18:00.000-06:00

Seems like I have been posting alot lately!! Guess there's just alot in my head that needs to be written out and thought on. Helps me, anyway.

Yesterday I substituted at the high school for the first time. It was most definetly the easiest day I have ever had subbing. I had art classes all day, so the kids knew what to work on and I just read!

After that I went to my other job, the 1st graders. I had 12 in my class, which isn't too terribly bad, but they were crazy for some reason. I think when it rains they get all this pent-up energy from not going outside, then I get to deal w/ that after school!

And then I went and tutored a high schooler in geometry for an hour.

Finally I got to come home and have some Emily time! I got comfortable and watched Sex and the City for awhile, until Jeff called and said he had some free time. So I got to see him for awhile! We have both been in relationships where things have gone too far (as yet I haven't gotten around to telling him about my past...a good chance just doesn't come up very often), and because neither of us want that or want to mess this up, we're trying to take it slowly. But I've never been good at that. In the past, I have always just tried to be what the guy wants me to be, which is silly, I know. So now it's really hard to just be myself and try not to rush things. But I am going to try harder, because...well, just because. It's how I should be, and that's enough of a reason.

I also heard from the mutual friend of ours who is having a hard time with this. It kills me that he's so upset about it...but I understand why. I just miss him, and I hope that he does ok while he's working through this.

So I guess that's about all for now. Have a stupendous day!

2005-01-04T20:30:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling like I can't really rely on anyone. All of my friends are busy, my best friend isn't speaking to anyone, especially me, and I haven't gotten to the point where I'm comfortable talking to the boyfriend about what's bothering me without worrying about him breaking it off really quick for some strange reason. He says that "if it's meant to be it will work out", but I still think that you have to work towards things. He says that I'm just not giving God enough credit by thinking that. But don't you? You can't make plans w/ your guy friends every night, and only have time for your girlfriend after midnight and expect everything to work out if it's supposed to. I just feel like people don't see where I'm coming from, but I think they're going to think I'm selfish or mean because of how I feel. In a relationship, I expect to come somewhere in the top 10. Otherwise it's a waste of time for both people, because it's hard to grow like that. I just want to get to know him better. I'm not asking for him to ditch everyone for me at all. And it's rediculous, but I'm hesitant about telling him these things because I want to be the perfect girlfriend. But I don't know if to him that means letting him know that I'd like to see him, or just not bugging him and letting him call when he has time. I just needed to vent a little.

ZH, if you read this, I am very, very sorry, and I would like to talk to you sometime soon. Just let me know you are ok. Everything will be ok. I miss you.

2005-01-03T03:57:00.000-06:00

So much has happened since last post...but I am just going to write the most recent. All last week I was on a trip w/ my church/college group. We drove to West Virginia in one day, spent 2 days skiing, then drove to Gatlinburg, Tennessee for a couple of days. It really was a ton of fun. I even skied some blue slopes!! And no one in our group broke anything. I was really happy with the group that went, too. I wasn't too sure about it, but it ended up being great. I had a say in things for once, and even felt a little in charge some of the time.

The other awesome news right now is that I have a boyfriend. That's right, I do. And not a creep for once. It was kinda hairy to get things worked out, but I think it'll be ok. I'm pretty excited about this, haha. I will most definetly write more later, but it's 4 am and I just got home, and I just had to get a little of this down. Sorry it's been so long since I've posted!!

2004-12-06T21:40:00.000-06:00

So alot has happened!! Last time I posted was what, a week ago? Since then...I have had one of the most "college"-like weeks of my life. Out late every night, busy to no end.

Monday was Monday Night for the Master as usual, then went and watched 'Hero' (if you haven't seen it, go watch it!) w/ some people.

Tuesday evening I stayed in after working all day long...and inadvertently ditched a...a plan to hang out (well, he didn't call either!).

Wednesday after church I went and saw afore-mentioned guy again, and had fun.

Then Thursday was the longest day of my life. I worked for 17 hours straight, w/ only a 30 min lunch break (during which I had to run an errand). No lunch, no dinner. First I substituted in a 3rd grade class, then workd w/ my usual 1st graders, then tutored a kid who's in high school that I tutored when he was in elementary school. For 3 hours. In geometry. It's going to be a challenge... After that I met up w/ a few friends until my mother started calling to see where I was.

Then Friday I went to class and work (I got out of work early!) and then went on date #2. He picked me up, then we went and ate at Carvers, then to his house for a bit and talked w/ his roomates, then to see National Treasure. I fell asleep. I felt horrible, b/c we're on a date, and he paid and all. After that he took me home.

Saturday we had plans to hang out w/ our friend Megan. After I got home from a day of shopping in Tulsa w/ my family, I called to see what was up. They said to come on over. So I went (it was abt 7). Megan had to be @ work @ 945. So we hang out for awhile, watch some of the OU game. But he was very weird, it seemed like to me. Didn't hug me or anything...sat at the other end of the couch (and after all the time we'd spent together that week, that was odd). I don't know if it's b/c Megan was around, or because...I just don't know. So then Meg gets up to go to work, and he says he's heading out too. I was just like oh, ok. So he walks to his car and says "see you guys later". That's it!! So I was upset (it may not sound like a big deal now, but if I wrote out the whole story...), and I called my friend to talk. He told me to come over to where he was hanging out w/ some friends, so I went. We sat outside and talked for awhile, and when I went in they had a spot for me on the couch and some popcorn and a drink for me. They were wonderful. We finished the movie they were watching, then played a couple of games and talked.

Then Sunday was great. Bridgitt and I helped my mom w/ the 2's and 3's class @ church, and then I helped out in Bible Hour as usual. Afterwards a bunch of us went to Charlie's for lunch, which was fun. Got to visit w/ some friends. Afterwards I came home and put on a Bing Crosby Christmas record and decorated the Christmas tree w/ my family. After that Molly and I went and rented a movie together. Then church. After church, a few of us decided to go to Mazzios and then to Jeff's. All in all, a wonderful time. I got a little nerdier.

And today...class, work, dinner, MNM, and a couple of girls came over to watch a show. So things have been pretty good!! Just wanted to update a bit before it got too overwhelming. *emily*

2004-11-29T23:06:00.000-06:00

Yes yes, I know, it has been stinking forever since I posted anything. I barely remember what I posted about last. Ah yes, the Kansas City trip. Also, I'd like to post a few pictures on here once I figure out how (I'm working on it!).

Right now things are crazy busy... Thanksgiving break was good, my grandparents came in and we all hung out alot. On Friday I kinda spent some time w/ a boy...which was really fun. Once again, no details, sorry. But we're supposed to go out again on Friday...but he hasn't called me yet. Hmm. It's only Monday, I suppose. Saturday I went shopping w/ my family in Tulsa. 6 of us in one car. But I got some clothes (paid for in part by my parents!) and had a good time.

Sunday night a good friend of mine called, saying that her boyfriend had broken up w/ her. It broke my heart that she was so upset about it. She trusted him, and he broke her heart...again. I don't really wan't to say more about it than that for now.

I also finished Sex and the City Season 2 this week. I have decided that Carrie is officially my hero.

And...oh, I read a wonderful book a little bit back called "Vivian Lives" about a 20-something yr old who moves to New York City and makes a way for herself, and I loved it. The website to it is here and you should definetly check it out ladies.

Also, in the fall I fully intend to do the Disney World Internship thingy and live in Orlando for a semester...if anyone else is interested (you can get college credit and they pay you), the website for that is here. Look into it.

And now a funny story:

In my class @ work I have a child, let's call him Dave. One of the most...challenging kids in the school. There are also alot of Spanish-speaking children @ this school. Because of this, we hand out both English and Spanish notes for the children to take home so the parents can read them. Today I passed out the Spanish notes first, and Dave says, "Hey, what about us human kids??!" I almost fell over laughing.

And @ work today I made a Lego ambulance, fire truck, penguin, and half of a giraffe. I love my job.

And that's it for tonight. I'm tired and I never know when I'll be busy with 5 yr olds all day.

Until next time...

*emily*

2004-11-22T08:04:00.000-06:00

Oh wow. This weekend was the best one yet, I think. We had sooo much fun. Not going to give out any details...we'll just leave it at that. Just wanted to let everyone know that we're home safe and ready to go up to Kansas City again. January, maybe? *emily*

2004-11-15T07:59:00.000-06:00

Once again, it's been weeks since I've posted. But alot has happened. Although, now that I sit down, as usual I can't remember any of it. Well, first of all, a good friend of mine from Harding got engaged!! He asked his girlfriend on their 2 year anniversary. All of the details are very sweet ;) I'm totally excited for them.

Only 5 more days until the Kansas City trip....I can't wait to see everyone up there!

I've also decided that I need another job...if anyone has any leads, let me know.

Things w/ my church friends have been kinda up in the air lately. 2 of them are now "dating" or whatever, and one of them has something up her but...I kinda got all freaked out over everything for a bit, because I liked how things were, and now I don't know anymore. I liked knowing we'd hang out on certain nights, and that everyone was being upfront w/ you (for the most part). But I can't really count on that anymore :( But I guess things change.

I actually have a little time to sit and write today (I got up early to study, but obviously I'm not...), and I still can't think of what I've been wanting to write about...I'm seriously going to have to start making notes... *emily*

2004-11-02T14:51:00.000-06:00

Go vote today!! I voted this afternoon. Go Bush! Well, just so long as Kerry doesn't get it. I've never been this into it (and I'm still not compared to alot of people), but I'm actually nervous about it. *emily*

2004-10-31T03:40:00.000-06:00

So this weekend has rocked. The entire week has been good and I haven't gotten like any sleep, but since Dad required me to stay home on Friday night (since I'd been out all week and it was great-grandma's last night in town) I got to rest a little. I had to get up early though to say goodbye, and couldn't go back to sleep. But I got my hair cut, ran some other random errands, spent time w/ Molly, and I got an excellent set of 4 Bing Crosby Christmas records!! Then I went w/ the group to the NSU Fall Festival and ran a booth (kinda) and talked to all sorts of cute little kids. Then after that a bunch of us (Bridgitt, Mandy, Kayla, Pamela, Dana, Jeff, and I) went to Tulsa to the Guts Nightmare thing. It was so much fun!!! The Guts thing wasn't all that impressive (but I admit I did scream a few times). One of the freaky guys like ran his fingers through my hair and I kinda pushed him...but it was funny! Afterwards we went to IHOP and met some other friends there. Then we headed home!! W/ the time change (don't forget!!) we got home around 230AM. So now I only have 5 hours until I see them all again!! Anyway, I just had fun, and I wanted to get it down before I forgot ;) I had an amazing week, though. Lots of fun. I really do love my friends to death. They're wonderful. Ok, enough from me, I'm out, I promise!! *emily*

2004-10-23T19:05:00.000-05:00

Last night I was watching "Uptown Girls" w/ Molly, and I got a horrible, horrible feeling at the end about how life will end...I know that as a Christian I shouldn't be upset or worried about it, but I still am. It's not very rational, I guess...I mean, earth's supposed to suck, right? But I really do love life...and there are so many things I want to do. I can't even begin to list them all. And when I get down about not having something in my life, it just ruins an hour/afternoon/day/week that I'll never have back.

But then this afternoon, while I was driving, I had another euphoric feeling (I get these alot when driving). I felt like everything was alligned, and that I was where I was supposed to be...and that I felt secure w/ myself, w/ how I am and where I am right now. So that helped, I suppose. But I still get freaked out when I think about the end.

I don't have alot else to say right now, maybe later tonight I'll think of something. *emily*

2004-10-22T20:03:00.000-05:00

Look!! I'm taking time out of my Fall Break to update. So far it's been fun... But I was just a little upset w/ someone's site that I read. He's so "churchy"...and yet sooo not. Just really pisses me off sometimes. How people are back-and-forth like that. Anyway, not looking forward to going back to school/work and all, but it has to happen. In better news, I get to go skiing over Christmas break!!! So yay for that. *emily*

2004-10-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

So, I was just checking out some Xanga's and I decided that once every couple of months isn't often enough to post if people actually want to know what's going on! Well, today I had 2 tests, and I'm pretty sure I didn't do too good on either of them. I also had lunch w/ Dana, which was fun! And...I GOT PAID!! I've been waiting forever for this check. They mess up the paperwork so everyone has to wait for an extra month to get paid. So I deposited it and sat down to figure out to whom I owe what. Turns out, my dad and I are just about even! I owe him a total of $16!! How beautiful is that. So now I just owe my sister and my grandparents and my dumb credit card company. Oh a better note, I just discovered that sub pay went up!! It's now $50 a day. Doesn't seem like alot when I think about what it puts me through, though... Anyway, I've got to get to work. Busy weekend ahead, so I'll try and post on Sunday. Peace! *emily*

2004-10-14T18:11:00.000-05:00

So lately...I've been staying busy w/ work w/ Boys and Girls' Club, as well as substituting every time I have a free day (today was Kindergarten...on my own...). Also I haven't had alot of tests yet this semester, but they're all hitting me in the next week. As well as all of my education stuff being due. Fun. So I've been rather stressed. To add to that, I've felt very disconnected from my friends lately. I know we're just all busy, and that not much is going on. But one person in particular...I've decided that I'm just too busy to have a one-way friendship w/ someone. So then I come home to...I don't feel like getting into it. In summary, I'm just in a bad mood, and feeling overwhelmed, letting little things bug me. But it's too hard not to give in to. *emily*

2004-10-05T18:41:00.000-05:00

[catch up]
Again, so much has happened since my last post. And as I sit down to write, my mind goes blank. I've been staying busy w/ church stuff, work, substituting, and classes (notice which I mentioned last).

[where the past mixes with the future]
I've kinda sorta been talking to an old friend again (yes, one of #1-whatever), which is ok, but I just never know how someone feels towards me. Who knows if he wants to be friends again or if it isn't worth the effort.

[I still want the fairy tale]
Also, I completely ended a "relationship" with someone. I totally feel that this was a good move, although, given how long we had been on again/off again, I still think about him. But I know this was the right decision for so many reasons.

[why OU still sucks]
This past weekend was awesome. On Friday Dana and I headed out to OKC to go to a Ben Folds show, which I was soo looking forward to. He and I met up with my friend Mary, whom I hadn't seen in 3 years (we grew up together)!! So we picked her up in Edmond and drove to Norman. She has a friend who is on the team who brings bands to OU, so she messaged him to see if the concert had started yet since we were running late due to traffic. He said that Ben Folds wasn't even GOING to play!! Turns out the sound company had gotten the wrong sound system, and the right one wasn't going to be found in any of the surrounding cities. So Ben Folds didn't play. We drove the last 10 min there anyway, and talked to some people about it. Some people drove more than the 3 hours we did...from Dallas, even Arkansas. So that really sucked for them. And we don't even get a refund of our $26.00 tickets if they reschedule a "similar" concert and a "similar" venue within 12 months. And he says he wants to reschedule, so hopefully it'll work out on a day that we can actually go!! So since that didn't work out, Mary and Dana and I went down to Bricktown and messed around there, then Dana and I drove back to Tulsa and stayed w/ his mom for the night (we didn't get there until 230 AM!). She made us French toast and flavored coffee for breakfast, which rocked. Then we drove back to Tah.

[the cute Jim Carrey look-alike]
On Saturday, the day I got back from OKC, I took a shower and then headed over to go to Lincoln, AR (I'll explain why in the world we would go there in a minute) with Angela, Bridgitt, and Mandy. I got to sleep the whole way there (yay!). We went to a "Christian" (I put that in quotes because although they say they are Christians, they do not adhere to the New Testament as they should) coffee house concert. The band was New Ending, and they put on an amazing show. The lead singer's moves/vocals were excellent. After that we headed over to Bridgitts, who lives in the middle of nowhere (I thought she was talking us out that far solely to kill us) to stay the night. It was so fun!!! She lived in a house behind her folks', and we made food and watched a scary movie. The next day we got up in time to make it back to town for Bible school and church.

[Yoko...oh, no]
During the sermon I often help out with Childrens' Bible Hour (it's a wonder that I'm not an elementary ed major, all the practice I get w/ young children). There is a 3 yr old in there named Yoko who doesn't know much English...and is a terror. But I enjoy the challenge, and I think she's starting to get used to me. No one else will mess w/ her, haha. But I love getting to work in there. Plus I get an hour towards my mission trip (to Gold Beach, OR).

[the easiest sub day ever]
Today I substituted in a 1st grade class @ Greenwood. Usually Kindergarten and 1st are the hardest, b/c you're in there by yourself w/ 20 kids, but today was awesome. One of the children is autistic, so he had an extra assistant who's always in there. Not only is she there, but she knows the schedule and was awesome!! So I pretty much just had to back her up. And I get to go back on Thurs!! I can't believe I get full sub pay for this...

[in conclusion]
Life is good. I am staying busy, my parents recently got the unlimited rentals thing, I get a new phone soon, plus unlimited text messages (which after my last phone bill is not a want, it's necessity), and my grandparents get to come in this weekend, my only free weekend that's happened all semester!! Also, we've got a Kansas City trip planned for November, which I am looking forward to more than words can express. I'll try to start making notes about what I want to post about...but I think this one managed to be long enough w/ out them!! *emily*

2004-09-17T06:46:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile since I've had a real post. Things have just been kinda crazy. I've been really exhausted all the time, so all this week I've made a point of getting 8,9, or even 10 hours of sleep a night. AND I'M STILL FALLING ASLEEP BY 9!!! I even went to bed @ 845 one night. Anyway... Classes are going ok...I got a B on my Biology test!! And I think I may have aced my Linear Algebra test...I guess I'll find out Monday (hopefully!). Last weekend was our retreat w/ RFC. For the first day and a half of it I was in a really bad mood...it's hard to explain, but I was just tired of having to make an effort in everything I did. And I've been noticing how guys usually tend to lean towards those they think are "hot" or whatever...even my friends. It gets old. But on Saturday evening I finally got to feeling ok. I also tried skateboarding, which was SO fun! We went out and looked @ the stars for a long time, and I got to see 5 shooting stars!! This weekend's been excellent too. My parents were in Colorado, so Molly and I hung out on Friday. Saturday I went to Fayetteville w/ Angela and Bridgit, and we had a blast.

I don't really feel like putting in the effort to write out what else is going through my head. Sometimes when I'm out doing something or thinking, I come up w/ something I'd like to say on here, or a good way to express something. But once I'm here, I can't remember any of it!!

2004-09-07T19:11:00.000-05:00

Look!! I'm posting again in only 5 days!! Crazy. So, apparently alot more people read this than I would have thought. That really makes me feel good. I wish I could get commenting to work, though, so you all could leave me notes! If you all want, for those of you who don't already have it, my aim nickname is ercemily and my yahoo nickname is emilyrose_1 and my msn/hotmail one is emily_couch That way you can leave me msgs. *emily*

2004-09-03T22:38:00.000-05:00

Soo much has happened since I last posted.

Um...went to Kansas City w/ Megan (which was a blast!). We ended up staying for like 3 days, but it was alot of fun. I got to meet some new people, and see Courtney and Keaton!

School has also started. I'm taking 13 hours, which isn't hard, except when you forget to do homework!! Between that, working at Boys and Girls' Club, substituting, and being involved in RFC, I stay pretty busy. But that's how I like it!! I love my job...there are some parts, like the chaos and unorganization, that ticks me off, but those kids more than make up for it. On the very first day one of my students left my class to go home, and I heard him tell his dad that he had "the best day at boys and girls club!" That just made me feel wonderful. It's stressful, and only one day this week did I not get a stress-related headache, but it's worth it (the money doesn't hurt much either).

Classes are pretty cool...I've met new people in almost all of my classes (obviously that's something I enjoy). It seems like I had so much to talk about before I actually started....

Well, the cousins of mine that aren't doing so hot are now being told that in a couple of weeks they have to move to a foster home. That totally sucks. I know there are good ones out there, but they've already been shuffled around their entire lives, and they just need somewhere to live. I really really hope they end up here. I really feel it'd be best for them. The way things are there, they're going to end up following in their parents' footsteps.

In other news...I have figured out what I need in a guy/relationship!! Isn't that great news?? I'm not saying that I have it all figured out, I just think I know what's on my list of things I want out of life and what a partner would help me with in attaining those goals... I don't really feel at liberty to say (not that I've found it persay, just that I don't want to get into great detail about what I want...).

Tomorrow I'm going to Fayetteville to visit w/ Megan and Todd (yay!!)! I can't wait. I haven't seen Todd since senior year (Todd's Meg's boyfriend for those of you who don't know). Well, I guess that's about it for now...just know that I'm happy and feeling in control of my life...which doesn't happen often enough if you ask me.

2004-08-23T23:16:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, I'd like those of you who pray regularly to keep my family (including extended family) in your prayers. My uncle, who has 3 children, and his ex-wife are not doing good at all. The state recently took them out of their home for a few days, and has to inspect and such before they'll let them go back. Hence they had to stay with my grandparents. Grandma isn't physically able to care for them very well any more, and Grandpa's wife says they shouldn't do as much as they do. My parents have offered to take them, but only if both of their parents give up all rights to them. Right now there's so much crap with custody and visitation and child support...their children are the only leverage they have in the world, the only thing worth anything that they have. But they've both screwed up their lives so royally, and I don't want that to happen to their kids. My other cousin, also on that side, had 2 children by the time she was 18 (and since the guy she married left her). I don't want these kids ending up like that. They are really sweet kids, but they need so much in their lives to change. I really hope we get them. I figure I'll have to move out (our house is just not big enough for 7 people). The oldest girl is in 6th grade, and the youngest boy is in 1st grade. So please just pray that that works out.

Also, today was the first day of classes!! I had a wonderful time, believe it or not. I think it's going to be a good semester. I may go into more detail later, but I'm exhausted and I actually have things to do tomorrow!!

2004-08-16T00:24:00.007-05:00

So everything from the last post ended up working itself out. My dad moved his stuff out, and I now have my own room completely. Which is wonderful. And Dad and I are speaking again, which is also teriffic. On the other hand...I've got some new complaints. It seems like I complain alot on here, I know, but generally I'm a happy person...when I'm happy and everything's going well, I usually don't find time to post. When I'm upset or in a funk, then this is just a good way to express myself to some degree.

Ok, so here's where I spell out my dilemma. There are Guys 1, 2, 3, and 4. Guy 1 is an ex-boyfriend from long ago, who is back in town for good. Guy 2 is a guy I dated briefly at the end of this past semester, and whom I have a very dysfunctional relationship with. Guy 3 is a guy whom I met in North Carolina 2 years ago, and used to talk to all of the time, but lost contact with for about a year, but who is now calling again. Guy 4 is a guy I dated for a little while...but has a serious issue with staying in touch.

So...Guy 1. We spent a small amount of time together last month when he was back for a little while. It took him forever to actually get over here to see me, he said because he was afraid of my parents (which true, he isn't on their good side, but he should be able to stand up to that). So he finally did. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to commit or to get in a serious relationship right now...yet whenever he calls and I'm out w/ people, or @ a guy's place, he needs to know if we've ever dated and etc...he says he's just messing around, but we're not together so he has no reason to even do that. I talked to him a bit tonight online, and he says he got back this morning, and that this weekend he's going to Texas to visit his "best friend" whom I cannot stand (simply becuase they have a history, and she obviously isn't over him, and does not have crystal-clear motives). It takes him a week to get over here to visit me, the girl he's supposedly in love with. But he can block out an entire weekend for her. And now that he's back, he didn't even ask me if I was busy this week, and when he could come see me!! I need to see effort from a man...he needs to seriously make a point of showing me what I mean to him. My dad, when he and my mom were dating and he was going to school like across the state of Indiana, would sometimes drive the whole way just to spend a few hours with her before having to drive back in time for class the next morning. I want that.

Guy 2...we had plans to hang out today. I had other opportunities to do things, but I didn't take them, b/c I had made plans w/ Guy 2. So I message him when he appears to be online, sent him 1 text message...and don't hear from him until 930, when he says he ended up having to work all day, etc. He also says that although he made plans w/ me, some other chick friend of his is moving into the same apartment area, and she wants to watch a movie w/ him. Rather than thinking, "oh, I have plans w/ Emily", he says ok. So he calls, and I, stupidly, say I'll still see him. He says we can hang out after the movie too. So I go help him unload/unpack (he's moving back here). Then she comes up and says she needs to go to Wal-Mart. Apparently she needs a bodyguard to go. Not that it's the most safe thing in the world for a female to go there at 11 pm by herself...but it wasn't a freaking pressing matter, it could have waited...and should have. So once she leaves for a minute, I ask him what's going on. Is he going to hang out w/ me like we had plans to, or go to Wal-Mart w/ her? He says that oh, I told you we'd be unpacking etc etc, and that Wal-Mart won't take that long...I have to work @ 8 AM!! And I didn't come here to meet her, I came here to spend time w/ him!! I explain that, and mention how I apparently expect too much from people (see ex. of Guy 1), and he says that if I want to leave, just leave. I continue to help for a bit, still feeling shafted, and he once again says I don't have to stay or whatever, so I pick up my things, walk out, and continue to cry myself home. This is not to mention the times I have forgiven him for leaving after a compromising situation and then not getting in touch for 2 weeks...it doesn't matter how busy you are, if you care about someone, you make the effort.

Guy 3...I am so glad he's calling again. We used to talk every night when I was a freshman in college, for hours. He was going to come and visit me on Thanksgiving, but I got freaked out (things were different then), and told him not too...I kinda broke his heart, he says. So we kinda lost touch. So about a week ago he calls me out of the blue...he'd gotten my number from a mutual friend whom I met him through. I am definetly happy that he did. He's wanting to come visit again, as friends, with no expectations. And I really think it would be a good thing. I'd love to see him again. Although he does get attatched quickly, and I'm kinda worried that he's already getting to that stage again...but is that really a bad thing?

Guy 4. I dated this guy for awhile. He seemed SO sweet, said the nicest things, was so polite and such a gentleman. We went for about a 2 week period with no communication, for a multitude of reasons, none of which had to do with our feelings. During that time, however, a bunch of crap happened, not the least of which was a good friend of mine dying. I was honestly kinda pissed that he wasn't there for me to talk to, and let him know that. He felt horrible, and I forgave him, and even went to see him twice. Then he moved a little further away...and we went about a month without talking. Totally his fault. I tried emailing, and he had to get a new cell phone, etc, so I couldn't call. I finally hear from him, and sure he's apollogizing and stuff, but I was honestly mad...apparently this is a trend of his. He talked and talked...and just didn't really see the error of his ways. I just told him what I expected, my usual "to see some effort", but didn't really get anything but a couple of emails after that, expressing his feeling that I was being too harsh and unforgiving. Forget that.

So this is where things stand. Every guy that is sweet to me, and cares about me, I have trouble liking. But the guys that are going to be jerks, use me, and not think of me, I fall for. I wish I could fix this, or at least fall for one guy, the right one, who will treat me like I should be treated. I also tend to give guys too many chances. I just cannot make myself say no, this is it, it's over, and stick with it.

Megan and I will be in Kansas City Monday-Wednesday. I am so ready to go. I need to get out of this town that I've only been in for a week since the last time I was priviledged enough to leave. I'm sorry to all of you who really love me, and who really care about me, I feel the same way about you. It's just that sometimes the bad feelings override the good ones, and the bad ones are all you can see. I do have a wonderful life, and I am glad I'm here at NSU. Just at the moment, things look bad. I went to Shannon's wedding yesterday...I still can't believe so many of my friends are married. I feel like such a child, with all of my childish problems with boys, and school, and my little part-time job. But I can't say that it wasn't amazing seeing them smile at one another as she walked up the aisle with her dad. Because that is a beautiful thing. Maybe I care too much too quickly, or maybe I do expect too much. But I do want that fairy-tale love...because that's the only place any more you can even think of expecting your fairy tale to come true. I want to be happy without this kind of love in my life, but is that possible?

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-out-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman

2004-08-12T22:03:00.000-05:00

Doesn't it suck when you spend an entire day depressed about situations you can't really control? I have cried at least 3 times today, and more in the past few days. My dad...both he and my mom "just don't understand me". My dad hasn't voluntarilly spoken to me in days. He just doesn't see how I need privacy, and how I don't see why he needs to know who I'm talking to on the phone. Mom says he's depressed because he's on some new medication for his joints, but I'm honestly depressed and no one notices. I try to talk about others, because that's what they like, to talk about themselves. But sometimes I need to let out how I really feel, and have some input. Make sure this isn't all in my head. I'm going to bed...I need an escape from this. *emily*

2004-08-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

Once again, it has been forever since my last post. The the foremost in my mind right now is my situation at home. I am practically sharing my room w/ my dad's office. Is it just me, or is it a little weird for a 21 year old to have next-to-no privacy, and her 17 year old sister to have her own, big room? And my dad is also pretty much expecting me to tell him who I talk to on the phone, and where I am all the time!! I understand the latter a little more than the first...but isn't it just a little my business who I'm talking to on the phone? My cell phone? Ludicrus.

On a brighter note, Florida was amazing! I enjoyed the time w/ all 21 family members. We went kayaking and saw literally thousands of jelly fish not too far off the coast...and the next to last day @ the beach I got flipped from my kayak and lost my $200 prescription sunglasses! My dad rented a boat for 3 days, and on one day he took my mom, my sister, and I out on it to snorkel and watch the sunset. I tried snorkeling, but freaked out in the water. I couldn't breathe, and my chest was all tight, so I jumped back on the boat as fast as I could. I could even touch!! So I decided that just wasn't for me. I also got to go scuba diving! That was my favorite part of the week. I went w/ a company that takes people out on boats for dive trips called Seahorse. My dive buddy was 21 and a math major, like me!! But he was kinda weird. I was worried that I wouldn't remember how to put my equipment together, but since Robert (the dive buddy) and I were paying to be there, they did everything for us!! The first dive was about 25 feet down, and 5 of us went down. I saw 2 fish that were bigger than me!! I could fit my head in their mouths. There were thousands of fish...tons of schools of fish, as well as alot of Angel fish (the really pretty blue and yellow ones)! It was a wreck from the 40's. After the first dive, I could feel every filling in my teeth, and I couldn't open my mouth more than about half an inch!! But I went on the second dive anyway. It was on a man-made reef that was in 70 feet of water. Only 3 of us went down this time. I saw 2 sharks, 2 jellyfish, and I got to play with a seacucumber!! And of course the thousands of fish. After that we headed back to the marina, because it was getting really rough (the guy who took us out on the boat, Gary's, son came out w/ us. He was 9...and completely freaked out by the waves). I got kinda seasick, so one of the girls shared her pb&j w/ me (which was incredibly tough to eat since I still couldn't open my mouth) and slept for the hour ride back. So, all in all, it was a wonderful trip!

The next...well, semester, I guess...is looking busy! Last night the college group got together and had a breakfast dinner (I cooked the perfect hashbrowns and pancakes!) and a devo and such, then I went over to Amy's w/ Megan to see them, which was a blast. Even though I did konk out early (sorry guys!). Then I had to be babysitting @ 8 AM this morning!! But I made it through the day. The girls and I went to the pet store, the library, and to my house for a little bit. Friday I'm taking them, along w/ my sister, to the Muskogee water park as a last big thing after a long summer of babysitting, so that should be fun. Saturday Shannon is getting married (so exciting!), and Saturday night I think I may get to go camping! Then Megan and I are leaving Monday night to go to Kansas City to finally visit Courtney and Keaton!! I'm definetly looking forward to that. My mom and sister start school on Wednesday, and I start...like the 23rd or something, haha, I'm not sure. 3 days a week isn't too pressing. The 27th I'm heading to Little Rock, AR for a Blindside show w/ some friends, then staying there that weekend. That'll rock. And Boys and Girls' Club starts way early this year, the 30th!! So that's about all I know.

2004-07-14T21:22:00.000-05:00

So...do I always start posts like that? It seems kinda hard to get started w/ out it. Let's see...still haven't heard from the boy from Norman. The ex boy is going to be in town next week...I think I'm going to see him :O Sunday/Monday/Tuesday I think I'll be in OKC w/ Meg...that'll rock. I'm excited abt that! I don't have too much to say...I just felt like updating. *emily*

2004-07-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

So here's a new post. Thursday I went to Claremore, and had a wonderful time w/ "the boy". I've got some concerns about him, honestly, but I'm trying to decide where you're supposed to draw these lines in relation to their history or family life. I just can't tell. On the way home I hit a bat (and I didn't even know it until the next morning when it was still on my front bumper!) and almost hit some hitchiker guy. He freaking jumped right out infront of me. Then on Friday I didn't do a whole lot...didn't have to work or anything. Saturday I helped w/ my family's yard sale, then went to D-Fest in Tulsa. I got to talk to my favorite member of my favorite band (Drew Rocks!), which made my night...especially since he remembered me from other concerts!! And all of the shows were amazing. And since I was newly 21, I got to wear the 21-and-up bracelet instead of the under-21 bracelet, which made me feel cool (kinda sad, that that makes me feel cool). Also met a guy wearing a FANTA shirt!! We got home around 130, and then I had a long conversation w/ the BA boy. Our relationship is very confusing, in that we've never been very clear w/ each other on what we want. Nothing's really changed, except that I'm out of the race for now. Anyway, I just needed to get some of that down. *emily*

2004-07-04T16:02:00.000-05:00

Where to begin...since last weekend, things have been getting better. I'm feeling more upbeat about things for the most part. I'm having problems w/ a couple of things, but hopefully they will get worked out this week. Once that happens, I can move on to bigger and better things. I don't want to get too into detail about them, because the people involved may read this... So anyway! Thursday and Friday I babysat all day, and on Thursday night I went to a cookout @ Zach's place w/ a bunch of other people. It was very fun, especially the fireworks! And they even made chicken especially for me :) On Friday, after babysitting, it was a "family day". Molly and I ran some errands, took care of some other things, then watched fireworks w/ the parents. Then on Saturday I had to get up way super early to go to a wedding w/ a friend, whom I was meeting in Claremore. The electricity was out, but luckily I woke up right on time!! Anyway, that was a super fun trip. I definetly enjoyed it. When I got home, however, my parents were freaked out and practically sick worrying about me! I'd had my phone on the whole time, sitting beside me in the car, but for some reason the thing just didn't ring!! So now they want names/phone numbers of everyone I even just might see, so they know who to start calling when I show up (it was around 330 in the morning, and I had left @ 630 that previous morning). I just hated that I made them worry, even if I didn't mean to. So...w/ everything else that's going on, I don't feel I should post, maybe even after it gets worked out. Oh yeah, but there is one more thing. One of my favorite guy friends hasn't talked to me since last weekend, and I think it may be because of some things my friends said to him about me (and about he and I if you get my drift) while I was asleep on the couch! I think it's made him uncomfortable, b/c he hasn't talked to me since then. So I think that's it. I'm going to take a nap now! *emily*

2004-06-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

So...this past weekend I was in Tulsa, Friday thru Sunday. It was a ton of fun, and I'm so glad that I got to go. Things got a little crazy, but I learned so much about my closest friends that I wouldn't trade it for anything. I now have busted blood vessels in both of my eyes, so if you look closely I look kinda scary. And according to even my mom I've been depressed since I got home. Maybe it's b/c I haven't been taking my medicine, and maybe it has to do w/ Rachael, and maybe it has to do with the fact that this weekend I realized that I haven't had a relationship w/ a guy in a long freaking time that I didn't end up feeling used and unloved in. I'm sure it's mostly my fault, but you just start doubting everyone's reasons. I just want things to get better. If I could pinpoint my problem, then I'd be ready to fix it...unfortunately, it wants to stay unknown. That's all I'm up to typing right now, I'm still trying to recover from Saturday/Sunday and I've got a full day ahead of me tomorrow... *emily*

2004-06-24T17:56:00.000-05:00

So, I just got back from Rachael's memorial. It wasn't exactly how I expected, and I didn't approve of some of the things that happened/were said, but I figure this is just the family dealing with the loss of a daughter. I've been way bummed today, and although I know it's mostly because of Rachael, there seems to be something else that I just can't quite put my finger on. And my room's a mess...I hate unpacking. Everything's better when you can come home to a clean room. Anyhow...last night I went to Stigler and saw Amy and Ian. It was really nice, taking them out to dinner and just getting to talk. That little boy is so cute, and hilarious. He's almost 3! He kept trying to eat my Sweet and Low packets. Molly went along too, and I'm glad she did. Still can't believe Kensey made it through boot camp ;) Then last night after I got home from that I just dreaded going to bed...it's been so hard lately to get to sleep, there's just so many things going through my head that I can't get them to pause long enough to let me get to sleep. And today, before the memorial, my mom gave me a Valium to make sure I was calm...things like this and first proms tend to stress me out. But I only cried a little. There seemed to be alot of distraction, to me at least, from the reason we were there. I felt more than a little preached at. But hey. Tonight I'm just going to spend some time w/ the family, hopefully put some things up on Ebay (check them out), and such. I hope all of my friends know how much I love them...I've tried telling them more lately, but it's kinda awkward sometimes, especially w/ guy friends for some reason. They know how I mean it, but it's still weird. Guess they'll just have to put up w/ it ;) Well, I'm going to work on this mess of a place I live in. To all of you who read this, I love you all very much, and each and every one of you mean more than I can say to me. *emily*

2004-06-23T10:49:00.000-05:00

Well!! I suppose it's time for an update. I was in Indiana for 2 weeks visiting a ton of family. The first week was spent w/ my mom's side, and the second was w/ my dad's side. The second week 2 of my cousins, from Colorado, came too. All in all it was a lot of fun. We went to the Kids Science Museume, Derby Dinner (dinner and a play), the IMAX, out to dinner all the time...it was a blast.

2 nights before I left I got a phone call from my mom. Everyone except Grandma, Grandpa, and I were in bed. Mom asked if I was sitting down and if Grandma and Grandpa were there, then told me that a friend of mine from high school, a good friend, had been killed in a car accident. I couldn't hardly believe it. I went into the living room, handed the phone to my grandma, and then sat on Grandpa's lap and cried. He even cried too, because he hates it when we're hurting. So I sat with them for a long time, and eventually Grandma put me to bed. I didn't sleep well at all, and the next day I had to tell 2 of our friends about it. That was awful as well. I've never had anyone close to me die. People I've known from church, people I've visited in the nursing home, my great-grandma...they have died, but they were elderly and you kind of knew it was coming. Rachael was only 20. She had been in Texas for the past year at a religious school of sorts, so I hadn't seen a whole lot of her, but we talked frequently. Her memorial is on Thursday afternoon. My mom talked to her dad, who is her boss, and he said it was more of a celebration of her life than a funeral. There will be no casket or anything. From what I've heard, there isn't a lot of her left. The car caught fire after impact. And I know her brother has got to be taking it hard, considering they were twins and pretty close from what I know. Her dad told my mom that I meant alot to Rachael, which just made me cry even more. There are just going to be SO many people who will miss her. They're having the memorial at the PAC @ the high school, and I know it will be packed, and I know that it will be even though not everyone who would like to be there will be able to make it. It's still hard to fall asleep without thinking about her. And I know this is all cliche-ish, but it does make you think about how fleeting life is. Ack.

Anyway...last night Courtney came down from Tulsa, and she and Sam(whom I haven't seen in like a year!) ran around down doing some anti-campaining for a certain canidate for mayor. Then Meg and Dana and us went out to dinner. It was really fun to be able to hang out w/ them again. We're all going up to Tulsa this weekend to visit Courtney one more time before she moves. That will be alot of fun. Now I have to find somewhere else to crash when I'm too tired to drive back from Tulsa! I think we're also considering what to do for the 4th. Camping or something, it sounds like. I hope it works out, I think it'd be a blast. And hopefully I'll be able to be busy for my birthday on the 5th...no one wants to stay at home on their 21st birthday!!

Tonight I'm going to Stigler to visit another friend of mine who's moving. She and her husband and son Ian are moving to San Antonio. Kensey (the husband) just joined the Army. I suppose she'll be up often enough, all of her family is around here, but it'll still be sad.

So things are pretty much just changing alot around here. Lots of transitions. I'm waiting to see how some things turn out before I post, but of course however things work out they will, in the end, be ok. *emily*

2004-05-30T11:48:00.000-05:00

So it's been a hectic weekend. Friday night I went to a movie w/ Dana and Zack, and to a Chinese buffet. That was fun, I don't get to see Dana often enough. Then on Saturday, after bumming around (going to the bookstore, watching a movie w/ Dad), I went to Tulsa. All I have to say is that one, I learned ALOT, and two, it was a blast. I have alot on my mind to write about, such as finances and my intuition, so I'll hopefully have the chance to do that later. *emily*

2004-05-27T07:53:00.000-05:00

Well, once again I've slacked on the posts! I suppose everything's been going pretty good...Tuesday night I went to the college devo thing @ Joanna's, which was fun, and then yesterday I promised my little sister we'd hang out, just her and me (apparently that doesn't happen often enough!). Today is looking pretty fun, though!! First my last day of class (yay!), and then visiting Molly (where I get to play w/ a baby!!), then lunch w/ Megan (sooo much to talk to her about!!), then floating w/ a bunch of people!! We're staying out @ Falcon tonight, it sounds like, then coming home tomorrow. And then Saturday....TULSA!!! Well, I don't have more time to go into gory details, so everything else will just have to be on hold! *emily*

2004-05-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

So today...has been a rather un-fun day. This morning I went to church, helped out w/ Children's Bible Hour, and then a bunch of us went to El Charro's for lunch to work on planning our fall retreat. I would love to have Craig Hicks come speak, I remember him from youth ralleys in high school, and he was stinking amazing. He made you actually feel like you were sitting there watching Jesus, b/c he could take it from different angles. And he was SO funny. Then I came home, got an emailed response to an email I'd written on Friday, which didn't exactly put me in the best mood. I realize I should have waited until my anger subsided to say anything, but I was seriously pissed. I don't know why I do the things I do sometimes... So then I took a 3.5 hr nap, and went to church. I just left afterwards, b/c I didn't feel like sticking around to do anything, considering the mood I'm in. Then Molly and I went on a walk downtown, and then I ended up back at my computer. I don't really feel like going into my other emotions right now, they're in too much turmoil. *emily*

2004-05-22T19:02:00.000-05:00

Well...this weekend's been good so far!! On Friday night we all went to see Shrek 2 (ended up going to the late one b/c the earlier one had sold out), then we went to Jeff's to hang out. Ended up just sitting outside talking, which was awesome, until I left. This morning I got up and went to the Ren Faire w/ Zach and Zay, which was pretty fun! Tonight I hear we're going to Pat's to watch a movie, apparently.

On to more deep things. Apparently I like to fall for guys that are scum bags. I'm not sure why, but whenever a really sweet and nice guy likes me, I have trouble committing to him. But if there's a guy who's just acting charming, I'm his in no time. This has happened twice already this semester!! Of course, it's better than Harding...a year and a half w/ no real dates, and I'm home for one semester and I've gone on dates w/...maybe 4 guys?

I also LOVE the group I've been spending time w/ from church. They really mean so much to me. I love that they do stuff so often, and that I (usually) hear about it. I'm mostly comfortable around them. Zach is amazingly kind, Jeff's always entertaining, Joanna's a great friend to have, Krystle's such a sweet person, Pat's...Pat, Zay's a little out there but I'm getting to know him a little better, I don't know Jenn too well but I know she [rocks!], Nick is a little off the wall but great for laughs, etc. I know I could call any of them and they'd drop whatever to help me out. More than one have listened to me cry on more than one occassion.

On that note, I've also noticed that I cry for the full range of human emotions. I cry when I'm stressed, hurt, upset, mad, happy, sad, frustrated, whatever. Just makes me feel better. I always worry that the person I'm crying to only thinks I'm hurt or sad, but that's not always the case. Sometimes, as in last night, I'm just frustrated with the way things are going.

I emailed the cause of my affliction last night and let everything out. I told him what I thought of his actions, and that I didn't figure he ever really cared for me as even a friend. Wish that he did, but he doesn't. Just something I get to deal with. And that's ok. I learn from the mistakes I make. I'm a very emotional/passionate person, and sometimes that backfires. But it shouldn't stop you from being passionate about things you care about. Eventually your passion will pay off and the things you've cared so much for will return that.

All in all, I love my life, I love being back at NSU, and I love my friends. I'm really not complaining, just working through some questions in my head. Also, I'm trying to get commenting to work on here, so if you know how, message me and let me know, ok?? *emily*

2004-05-21T10:16:00.000-05:00

Just checking to see if commenting works now...

2004-05-20T18:21:00.000-05:00

Today...has been a super long day...and it's not even over! This morning I went to class, finished my webpage (I'll post the site when it's up), and then she decided it could be due tomorrow. This after I'd dragged my dad to the NET lab w/ me for protection last night. After that I went to the Murrel Home to meet my mom and her class to sub half a day...and waited...and waited...until I get a call that oh, they're at the METHODIST Home! So I go there...and roll around w/ the kids in the grass, get chased by 4-yr-olds w/ water balloons, and had a blast. After that I go to work @ Cherokee for the last time until next year. I had Kindergarten again. We just played. It's funny how one minute you can be wondering what's going on this weekend and the next you're booked up until NEXT weekend! Tonight we're going over to Pat's for a movie, tomorrow night we're going to Shrek 2, Saturday's the Rennasaince Faire, Monday I've got CPR training for 5 hours, Tuesday's a devo/tutoring, and Thursday/Friday I'm floating and camping! So that sounds pretty cool to me. Today, I was driving down the highway with my windows down, sunroof open, and OK Go blasting, and I was so content. It was amazing. I realized that I do have control over my life, whether it feels like it or not sometimes, and that I don't need certain...spaces, for lack of a better word...in my life filled. I don't have to have everything all the time. I hope I can remember how that felt, so I can stop myself from going downhill before I get there. Anyway, I'd better go get changed, I just needed to get that down. Peace IN! *emily*

2004-05-19T18:13:00.000-05:00

Well...today's been kinda weird. I went to class and worked on my website for 2 and a half hours. Then I came home, did some stuff around the house w/ the grandparents, had lunch. Did some extra errands (picked up strawberries, took Mom some stuff), then took a short nap, and went to work! I ended up being with the Kindergarteners today, and then we had a giant talent show (in which I got to sit in the floor with a very dirty kid on me...haha). I talked a little to the boy today...if he would just have a little initiative and fix things we'd be fine...but apparently he doesn't realize that he hurt me, whether he meant to or not, by being so ambiguous as to what he wanted. I just really feel led on. And I let him know...but as I said, there's still been no response to it. Just goes to show, I guess. Tonight I went out to dinner w/ my family minus my mom, who's sick. I feel like ranting some more, but I think I'll save it for later. *emily*

2004-05-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

Last night turned out to be awesome. Everything went pretty smooth...except for an event which will remain unmentioned. But hopefully nothing comes of that!! Spoken was amazing, as always. And I got to see Nathan, a friend of mine I haven't seen in a year or two. I'm still a little confused on what's going on w/ the boy and me, though. But I think I'll just let it slide and see what happens. I think I need to just "go w/ the flow" more. We'll try that, haha. Anyway, this morning @ church I helped teach the 2nd and 3rd grade class, then helped out in Children's Bible Hour. Then I got to take a nap! Yay! However, while I was sleeping, I got 3 phone calls from Meg saying that Courtney was in town!! And they were right outside my house!! But I was asleep. Tonight I've gotta go up to the NET lab to finish my report on Ukraine. Ick. But that's cool since most of my group is in New Mexico right now. Oh, adn the wedding yesterday was beautiful. It was outside. It was so amazing so see them get married...they really were ready for it, not nervous @ all or anything. This was just the next step for them, where they knew they were to go. *emily*

2004-05-15T10:10:00.000-05:00

So...things aren't working out the way I wanted them to. Why are guys afraid of "messing up friendships"? That just drives me nuts. I would hate to think that I missed out on a great relationship (I believe it's better to have a great relationship whenever possible than to be afraid and miss out. So what if they're not "the one". How are you really going to know unless you try it? People are different as friends than they are when they're dating.) just because I didn't want to risk a friendship. Risk it! Risk everything! I love to be loved and be in love. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. At all. So yeah. That's where I stand. Today I'm going to a couple of friends' wedding in Muskogee, and then on to Fayetteville to see Spoken. I hope that ends up being fun. Anyway...I'm going to try and be in a better mood today than I was yesterday. Yesterday pretty much sucked. *emily*

2004-05-14T14:28:00.000-05:00

So now this is where I'll post things I actually don't mind people reading!! I haven't posted on here in over a year...I had to delete a few things I'd written. Anyway...things have been crazy lately. I've been really down today, for reasons I won't mention, but I'll just say that watching sappy tv shows really doesn't help. Not doing much today, just went to class and in a bit I'll have to go to the dentist. Tonight I'll get to spend some time w/ my sister...and tomorrow we're going (along w/ Dana and AJ) to see Spoken in Fayetteville. That'll be nice...I haven't seen Spoken (or Dana, for that matter) in awhile! And now that AJ's back in Tulsa and working all the time, I don't get to see him much either. It's funny how knowing that people I know will read this changes what I write...I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Anyway...I guess I oughta get going, now that I've remembered I have this, I'll start writing more. *emily*

2003-02-04T20:52:00.000-06:00

Last Saturday a girl from my college died. She fell off a cliff. How spontaneous is that. She had no idea she would die that day. Not even a few minutes. My roomate and I went to the memorial service last night. There were so many people there, sobbing, especially her roomate. It makes me want to be closer to people, and it also makes me wonder who will be @ my funeral? Who will have loved me enough to stand up and say something kind abt me? We truly never know when life will end. What is the point of stressing over classes in college just to get a job? More later. *emily*

2002-02-25T12:21:00.000-06:00

Well, this weekend zoomed by! On Friday night I went to a friend's house after work to watch movies and stuff. I was so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open by 8pm! So after that I went to Wal-Mart and used my credit card for the first time. Got some safety pins (I was out) and a new license plate holder (mine broke when I got rearended). On Saturday I was @ church @ 630am and we left for the Spring Sing @ OC. I slept the whole way there and back. I had fun, though...which is suprising since I was w/ my youth group. I got to see a few old friends. And I got more set on Harding...which is a plus. Then on Sunday I went to church, and Molly and I drove around and washed my car and such since it was so pretty...but now I'm so tired...

2002-02-17T16:38:00.000-06:00

Check out my webpage.

2002-02-17T16:32:00.000-06:00

Wow.....this is cool. I always wanted to be able to rave and rant on the internet...and now I can, thanks to the Vagrant Cafe (where I heard about this)! Where to start............